Bad Pig Stew

I had never heard of threatening a bad guinea pig with being put into a stew pot until I joined the Guinea Lynx forums several years ago.  Since then, I've known a number of people who said that their bad, behavior-problem pigs were headed for the pot.  I usually threaten my bad pigs with kisses and squeezes and the occasional wuzzing, which all tend to get a "do not want!" reaction.  But when my girls had a falling out a couple of years ago, I found myself inspired by a combination of rotten rodents and a brand new stew pot.  A photo shoot soon followed and the story of Bad Pig Stew was born:

Willow, Pinniped and Bertie during peaceful times

Once upon a time there were three little guinea pigs that lived together:  Willow, Pinniped and Bertie.  Willow ruled the roost with an iron paw.  The two younger pigs were scared of Willow, but all was peaceful as long as they obeyed her.

One day Pinniped realized that she was bigger than Willow.  Pinniped decided she would eat all the food in the house, even Willow's food.  Pinniped began guarding the hay and wouldn't let anyone eat it.

Then Bertie saw that she was bigger than Willow, too.  So she began to chase Willow around the cage and bite Willow whenever she was nearby.  Bertie would also try to bite Pinniped when she got the chance, but Pinniped was bigger than Bertie and would bite back.

The three pigs spent their days squabbling and fighting with each other.  This made their slave, Mama, very sad.  She loved and doted on them, gave them a nice home to live in and good things to eat.  She tried everything she could think of to have all three live happily together.

Eventually Mama had enough of the arguments and food stealing and told the three bad pigs that they needed to get along or they would go into the stew pot!  But the bad little pigs ignored Mama's pleas.  Mama was always so nice to them.  She would never put them in a stew pot.  Besides, they knew Mama didn't own a stew pot.

But then one day Mama brought home a brand new shiny 5-quart dutch oven.  And behold!  Three pigs fit in it perfectly.  Then Mama added in some carrots and parsley and celery.  The three bad pigs were very happy at first.

Pinniped saw the carrots and celery and said "Look!  It's all for me!"  She immediately started stuffing her face.

Bertie wasn't as convinced.  "Why is Mama being so nice to us when we've been so bad?" she contemplated, while slowly munching a carrot.  "And what is this funny bowl we're in?"

But Willow, being the oldest and wisest of the three pigs, figured it out.  "Oh, no!" she gasped.  "We're in the dreaded stew pot.  How is that possible?"

As the lid started to close in on them, they realized they were in big, big trouble.  "No, Mama, no!" they cried.  "We promise we'll be good!"

But it was too late.  Mama had warned them lots and lots of times that they needed to be good little pigs.  They had been very bad and ignored their Mama.
 

(not really Bad Pig Stew)

Thus the three bad little piggies became Bad Pig Stew.  It made Mama very sad that she had such badly behaved pigs.  But it turned out that Bad Pig Stew was very good.

So piggies beware!  Be nice to your slaves.  Do not eat more than your share of food.  Do not bite each other.  Do not squabble all the time.  Because if you are very naughty guinea pigs, you could end up in the stew pot, too!

No guinea pigs were harmed in the making of this blog post.  In fact, they left that stew pot fatter and happier than when they went in.