Tuesday, October 17, 2017

I Wasn't Ready

I knew with the diagnosis of kidney issues that Boadicea's days were numbered.  She had gained some weight last week, had been annoyingly cranky, and although she looked uncomfortable and ate slowly, she had mostly been herself.  On Saturday we refilled her pain medication and brought home a second one to keep her comfortable.  Sunday morning Boadi woke as her hungry cranky self, but after breakfast she started to fade.  By Sunday evening she was too weak to do anything.  We lost her on Monday morning.

I wasn't ready.

Here I was, preparing to keep Boadi comfortable for the next week or three (as awful and dragged out as that would have been) and she decided to check out.  She didn't clear it with me first.  No warning other than a suspicious lack of interest in morning pepper (one never turns down morning pepper).  As the day progressed, I fretted over her:  was she hurting?  Could I coax her to eat?  How could I make her comfortable?  I sat with her; told her I loved her.  I eventually tucked her in a corner of the cage all snuggled up with food and water within reach.  Boadi's passing most peaceful I've witnessed of any of my sows.

Suddenly she's not here to worry over.  Instead of weeks of exhausting heartache, I got one day of heartbreak.

I am sick of having guinea pigs waste away before their fifth birthday and being powerless to stop it.  I am tired of the months of angst I go through while nursing each of them.  I have had more than my fair share of chronic illnesses; three of my last four sows developed symptoms at such an early age.  When Cannoli passed and I adopted Wedgwood, I expected to have them as a pair for at least two or three years.  This wasn't part of the plan.  It's hard not to feel like I've failed (even though I know it's not in my control).

In the end, I told Boadi it was okay to go.  That Cannoli was waiting for her with treats to steal share.

But Piggy-pie - I wasn't ready.  I miss you.


21 comments :

  1. Hugs So Sorry I know the feeling it hurts immensely

    ReplyDelete
  2. So sorry to read about Boadi. Saying goodbye to a friend is so hard, and feels particularly so, when you did so much nursing care for her. You gave her a wonderful life.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes, it is so hard. That is why my husband and I decided not get anymore piggies. So a few years went by and then my husband died. I was devistated. After a few months with the house so empty I knew I needed some piggie love. I adopted Josie and Callie even though they were three yeas old. Hopefully I will have them for a few good years.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Sally, I am so sorry to read of Boadi's passing, I know exactly how you feel. Big hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so sorry - I know how hard it is to lose a beloved piggie. I still miss all my babies who have gone to Heaven. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you.
    A fellow piggie lover.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh NO!!!! I am sooo sorry (((((hugz))))) It is nigh impossible to be prepared. We have gone through a few losses of our own fur babies, and it never gets easier. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and we all share in your sadness. :'(

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sally, I am so sorry! Bodi was such a loved piggie. My family can certainly appreciate all your efforts to nurse her and your previous piggies. We've also lost a whole lot of pigs who were too young. (Luna was our only piggie to live to at least 7.) At least you were home and with her; our two birds passed away this summer while I was traveling internationally, so I never had the chance to say goodbye. We're thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear Sally, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post was quite poignant, and brings up familiar feelings. Clearly, Boadi has left a sharp, gaping hole in your heart. I hope that her memories will dull the pain, over time. Please continue to share her stories; I always enjoy reading your piggie anecdotes! Hugs and wheeks to you all.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Very, very sorry for your loss

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh Sally, I'm so sorry for your loss. There is much to be thankful for in a peaceful passing of a loved one - especially after a wonderful, interesting, active life, and relatively brief decline - but it doesn't make the sharpness of loss less painful. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh I'm heartbroken for you, I know how hard it is to nurse a chronically or terminally ill piggie, and the feelings around losing them younger than the 'average age'. I think we (small pet owners in general) have become better at recognising illness, and vets at diagnosing specifics xx Thank you for sharing Boadi's story with us, she was a very special little girl (as they all are). Sending you so much love xx Sleep tight little Boadi xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm so, so, sorry. I understand, all to well, the repeated heartache that comes with owning & loving furkids with such short lives. Sometimes I think it makes our love even stronger, because we know.. we have to cherish our time with them. I hope you find some comfort and peace in the ease of her passing. Thank you for sharing so much as you have of her with all of us. ❤

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am so sorry. Hoping you find some comfort in the coming days. We are praying for you. Hugs and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm crying.... for your loss for mine, for the sadness and impossible task of continuing on in life despite the loss. You put it so well, so real, a way we all can relate to. We share your sadness, I only wish I could be there to hold your hand. The sorry fact is our little loves don't live long lives, but the short time we share with them is so full.
    Love to you, LeeAnna

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so sorry, Sally. I always love your stories and photos of the guinea pigs, and can tell how much you love and care for them. Sending a hug your way.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi Sally,
    I am so sorry. I know it is hard to lose someone we love and worry about, whether it be person or pet. While you say you are sick of them getting sick, etc., I think the fun and memories far outweigh the worry and heartbreak. Don't you think? Otherwise, why bother at all - with people or pets. It's because the love and joy they bring us while we're together leave a footprint in our hearts and mind that we can revisit even when we can't see them. {{Hugs}} ~smile~ Roseanne

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi Sally.
    I'm so sorry--it's hard when our furry friends get sick and leave us. They bring so much joy and are such a comfort to us. I love reading your stories and seeing the piggy pics that you share. You're a great piggy mom! Hugs, Heidi

    ReplyDelete
  18. Aww, I'm sorry for your heartbreak. Hugs and sympathy.

    ReplyDelete
  19. So sorry that Boadi is no longer with you, Sally. The passing of pets is one of life's most horrible experiences. It seems to me whilst your little guinea pigs are with you, they could not ask for someone more loving or more caring. Xx

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh so sad, I´m very sorry for the loss of Boadi. It´s heartbreaking when pets leave us.

    ReplyDelete

I enjoy reading your comments and I strive to reply by email (if you're not set to no-reply).

Recent Posts

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...